Okay, I know I’m not that old but I think having lived a quarter of a century grants you at least some opinions on youth and what it means to be an adult. …Bare with me here.
The Veg Voyage (so far) has mostly chronicled my food journey – what I eat and why I eat it – but what about life’s other entanglements? Lately, I’ve been thinking how so much of what you hear about being older while you are growing up is true and how your perceptions over the years change.
For example, when I was younger, I heard people talk about how they just wanted to be happy and, in my little girl mind, I was like, is that really that hard though? Just turn on your favorite show, order a pizza, and voilà!, happiness! I thought happiness was the default and you didn’t need to go out searching for it like a long lost friend.
Except when you’re older, you eventually realize happiness is not the default setting. And even the things that should/do make you happy, may come with tiny punches of unpleasant thoughts…
I should be exercising instead of just watching TV.
Pizza! Calorie BOMB! Should’ve got the salad…
Being older means you have to WORK for your happiness. In my life, the key ingredient to happy is to be grateful. The trouble is – for me, at least – being grateful comes with a HUGEassHELPING of worry. I’m SO grateful for my health, my family, my boyfriend, my job, my friends, my apartment. I’m even grateful for my struggles because, comparatively, they are nothing.
However, for everything I am grateful for, comes worry. Worry that it will all be taken away. Worry that it isn’t even. Worries that I didn’t have as a little one. Being older, you realize how lucky you are. And being grateful leads to happiness but it also leads to worrying………. Worrying about the bills and health and organic vs. local and a career and am I fulfilled in life? am I drinking too much? eating enough vegetables?
Other things have emerged for me to. I used to stress, analyze, and obsess that my personality should be straightforward and streamlined. Every part of me had to fit perfectly with the other parts of me. I thought that I was either high strung or laid back and was confused at the notion of being both. Which I believe I actually am. Both. High stung and laid back. Depending on so many factors; who I’m with, what time of day it is, if I’m hungry or not..
It was hard for me to understand that your personality doesn’t have to be perfectly packaged. It can be messy. It is messy. I wanted my identity to be a linear thing.
No parts were supposed to be jagged, raw, or rub another aspect of my personality in a way that destabilized something else I believed to be true.
For example, in college, I wanted to be a INDEPENDENT WOMAN (!) but I also wanted a boyfriend and I seemed to fall over and over again, harder and harder, for guy after guy. How could these two traits exist simultaneously in the same person!? It really confused me.
I still have perplexing loopholes in my personality… like why am I so neurotic in my relationship but pretty chill in my friendships? Or why do I love socializing and taking control of making plans but get completely worn out and stressed when doing so? But basically, I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s just because I do. *insert shrug*
It is who I am and who am I to question it?
Every year, the less important stuff melts away. Just like they tell you when you’re younger.
Until next time…
Stay tuned and eat your greens.
** Note this blog went through a rebrand and is now veg vibes; which aligns better with the direction I organically gravitated towards. It’s all about your vibe **