January
It’s a new year! Our house hasn’t yet recovered from the Christmas chaos. Cam is still on winter break. I have my 6 week postpartum check up and, despite still being in a lot of discomfort, the doctor says my stitches have dissolved and everything looks good. Huh… But I’m still experiencing a lot of soreness. “Is that normal?”
“Not really… But everything looks fine.”
I think I need a new gynecologist…
My grandparents come for a visit to meet Kenna. For how uncomfortable I am – and because I’ve abandoned my pain meds, tired of taking them when I want to be back to normal – it’s far too early to be hosting. We edge our way through the weekend but I break down a few times and I don’t think anyone really knows what to do with that. Maybe there needs to be a pre-visit checklist moms fill out before anyone comes over so people know how to offer the right kind of support.
Even though I’m not where I want to be in my healing, I am thankful everyday for Kenna. Ugh. She’s so cute. She still has all of this jet black hair and it makes me laugh when people ask who she got it from?!
I look at my husband and his black (well, now salt and pepper;) hair and smirk, “hmm.. I don’t know!”
Mike goes back to work and Cam back to school the first Monday of the month. My grandparents watch Kenna so I can volunteer in Cam’s class and I’m thankful for their visit.
The year is starting it’s rhythm. Kenna and I spend a lot of time inside. She’s a snacky little eater and I am feeding her almost every hour. It’s hard having a tiny baby in the winter without much daylight and time outside but I really love TV 🙂 and she sleeps most of the day, so it’s a cozy time. We have a lot of those ooey gooey contact naps that make your heart melt even though your body aches because it has been in the same position for hours.
We go bowling and out to lunch with close friends – it still feels so crazy we are allowed to take babies places! Cam didn’t go anywhere aside from our house, outside, and the doctor’s until he was over a year old.
I also adventure up to the city with both kids to visit a friend, while Mike does an all day house project. We have a blast strolling through the streets and checking out a rooftop patio and a nearby beach spot. Seeing your friends with your kids is so special.
Kenna is starting to smile – it’s as cute as when Cam gave his first little grins years ago. Cam is the best with her and asks for “Kenna cuddles.” He copies us too and says things like, “oh girl! you are soooo cute!” or “hi, girl! oh we love you!”
Around 8 weeks we hit a sleep milestone. Kenna is no longer our little late-night sidekick. She’s shifted her bedtime to around 8pm vs. 10pm/11pm when we go to bed. It’s nice to have a few hours solo now but it also means we’re getting even less sleep since the majority of her longest stretch of sleep (~5 hours) is while we are still awake. This means instead of a nice 5 hour sleep, we’re back to only 2-3 hours each night. Her nighttime witching hours have seemed to subside though.
I’m still in a lot of discomfort so book another physical exam with my gynecologist. Everything looks “fine” so I feel crazy and like maybe I will always feel like this. If they don’t know what is wrong, how will it get fixed….? Luckily she refers me to a pelvic floor physical therapist and I’m relieved with at least a Next Step but decide to get a new doctor nonetheless.
I have friends over for takeout one stormy night and I think I scare them with my birth story and how tired I am. They are all sweet and kind and ask lots of questions and take turns bouncing Kenna in her rocker so I can eat my ramen and drink my one beer without interruption. As a favor, they take our trash bins to the curb when they leave so we don’t have to go out in the rain. I am so thankful.
February
The cold weather hangs around and Kenna and I spend a lot of time on the couch. I have a lot of pictures (but never enough) of all of her contact naps. Ugh. She’s so cute.
I start to do yoga a little bit more – aiming to roll out my mat at least once a day the literal minute after she goes down for a nap in the snoo. There is always a lot to catch up on around the house (dishes, laundry) and I know I can easily miss my window for some movement if I get swept up in chores. Kenna’s naps are inconsistent and she sleeps better on me but we’re trying to get used to sleeping solo here and there. Nothing rigid though. She’s too small and precious for rules.
Cam has ski week in the middle of the month and I’m alone with the kids during the day while Mike works. It is daunting. Kenna’s lack of schedule and Cam’s requirement for constant play make things a bit challenging. We spend a lot of time curled up in Cam’s room, which feels a little more contained than the living room / kitchen and, importantly, is cozy warm with the sun facing us almost all day.
We were able to book-end ski week with two small getaways. We kicked off the week visiting some of our oldest friends at their new house in Roseville, about 2 hours from us. They have a son who is one year older than Cam and every time we get them together, they play well. It’s so nice to have the kids entertained with each other so we can catch up! This was Kenna’s first long car drive and she didn’t seem to have any complaints.
At the end of the week, we stole away a bit South to a beach house rental with other close friends who have kiddos. Same story here: Cam gets along so well with their daughter so the kids entertain each other the whole weekend. We are treated with unseasonably warm weather so enjoy the morning at the beach, coming back to the house for a backyard hang in the hot tub and BBQ for dinner.
Kenna is falling into about a 4 nap a day sleep schedule. Her morning nap is the easiest and most consistent. The rest is more unknown – some days are great and she has 4 neat & square naps; other days are more sporadic and spaced out. These days I feel a tinge unhinged but most nights we can anchor ourself back with a ~5/6pm nap and then off to bed for the night about 90 minutes after that.
I have my first physical therapy appointment around 12 weeks and let me tell you, all praise Maureen, my PT!!! Mentally, I feel so much better after this appointment. I was worried that I should have been healed and good to go already but Maureen (also a mom of two) was like, no no no, you are maybe 15-20% “back to normal.” She reassures me things I am experiencing are normal and, importantly, it will get better with time. I do my PT multiple times every damn day and marvel at how my body made a baby!
Read about [Nov + Dec] here.
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