I had a tentative goal to finish my mat leave roundup posts around the time Mike went back to work from his leave or before summer was over. We’ve blown past these two things! Cam is now a big kindergartner and Kenna has actually started at her own little school/day care. She’s 9.5 months (which feels like a big deal to be bc of the whole 9 months in / 9 months out trend) and I have other things to post about, like our trip to Tahoe, Toronto, and Napa, but I know I’ll want to come back and read about my final month of maternity leave ever!!! So with my shorthand notes and pictures on my phone as a guide…. Let’s go back.
May
My last month of leave with my baby girl!! Unlike with Cam, when I go back to work, Mike starts his leave so I feel mostly comfort knowing he will be with her everyday and she isn’t going straight to school just yet. (Cam also didn’t go to daycare at this point but we were still in covid so my mom was able to “join our bubble” and watch him at our house, which I absolutely loved.)
We have a trip to Hawaii to look forward to in the middle of the month but until then, I am soaking in my lazy days at home with Kenna. The days blurb together in a way but somehow the weekends are still treasured. Even though I’m not working, there’s still that Friday feeling, you know?
Kenna continues going to PT once a month.. Between Kenna crying and her Physical Therapist hustling through what feels like hundreds of exercises to do daily, I find the sessions completely overwhelming. This babygirl does not seem to be interested in rolling over but physically she is able to do it.
It’s hard to believe I’m going back to work in a few short weeks! The ~6 months away have been a journey. My recovery wasn’t as straightforward as I thought it would be and that caused a lot of frustration, tears, and worry. Breastfeeding was a bit touch and go but we mostly maintained our rhythm. There were certainly a few dreadfully tired nights – the hardest being when she just wouldn’t go to sleep at all – but they were few and far, which I’m so thankful for. Sleep is >
Kenna and I spent a good amount of time on the couch – her sleeping soundly in my arms, me watching episode after episode trying not to move much. These endless hours of TV time depict something that happens often in parenthood that I am never quite ready for… something that completely consumes your days can suddenly vanish without warning, leaving you missing those days forevermore. I think most of the time this phenomenon is talked about with cuddles, bedtime stories, and other sentimental things but I might cry if I think about all of those! So here is a list of the shows/movies we watched 🙂
- Ballers – Mike and I watched this one right when we got home from the hospital; there is just something about “the show” you watch in those newborn days (do I feel like Dwyane Johnson was in the trenches with me this time around? …maybe).
- Glamorous on Netflix – this series was so cute. I can’t believe I hadn’t watched it before. Also Kim Cattrall? Icon.
- The Six Triple Eight with Kerry Washington – loved this story.
- Joy on Netflix – also a good story.
- Rewatched Bethenny Getting Married? and Bethenny Ever After – this is revealing a lot about me but I’ll own it; (1) I love shows from that first decade of reality TV, like Laguna Beach and Newlyweds, because they don’t feel as trashy (2) I like Bethenny! Mike makes fun of me for this but he’s dealt with it for over a decade now (The Big Shot with Bethenny was another one I loved)
- The Americas narrated by Tom Hanks – I love a good nature documentary.
Overall, during my leave, wins for me felt like:
- a made bed (preferably early on in the day)
- staying on top of the dishes throughout the day, or at least having them all in the sink
- having “French dinner music” playing in rooms throughout the house, Taylor Swift and Noah Kahn were also big hits
- HAVING THE WINDOWS OPEN!!!! I can’t stand being in a house with the windows closed, esp when I’m in it almost 24/7
- Getting out on a walk (extra points for the “long loop” but I was happy with anything really – done is better than perfect, right?)
It was hard when:
- the house was a mess and ! was thinking more about what had to be cleaned than being present with my kids
- I already talked a lot about this but the pain and healing was just so challenging
- little things like my glasses being dirty or my hair being in my face would agitiate me SO much while I was breastfeeding and not able to move freely (it was like a crash course in embodiment sometimes!)
- days were my supply dipped, even though I had a stash of frozen breastmilk and sd=he took formula from 3 months
A few closing notes… I found myself comparing this journey to Cam’ being a’s newborn days a lot, particularly when it came to my body and what is was doing. Maybe this is normal, maybe it’s torture?
The support we received in those early days/weeks was so cherished. Especially all of the food friends delivered that trailed on through Christmas. We were so grateful for every single meal.
Overwhelming my months with Kenna were just so incredibly precious. I’ll always treasure the weeks that it was just us during the workweek. Lazy jammy mornings. Long walks. Cuddles. Her laughs and lightning-fast movements. Her interest in things; her quiet way of taking in the world around her. Her little smirk. Every picture and video I have of this time is cherished and will be browsed upon often. It is so true that they are only that small for a blink.
Read about [Nov + Dec] here, [Jan + Feb] here, and [Mar + Apr] here.
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